Just Push Play....

Part 10

The following week, due to my high risk status, I went for my first ultrasound...alone again for the same reason as before. As hopeful as my husband now was, he was still having a hard time believing our dreams were coming true this time. I was feeling a bit of trepidation myself. I brought my blank video tape (remember those?) and sat anxiously waiting in the office lobby. It seemed my turn would never come. It gave me plenty of time to observe the expectant mothers around me. I saw so many round bellies. The old cliché was right...pregnant women absolutely glow. Almost every woman had her hands on her belly. Some were rubbing their bellies, one was trying to manipulate her baby out from under her ribs and one lady was just sitting there quietly with her hands resting on her belly while she gazed down at it with utter wonder. I was most fascinated by her. Was it the awe of first time pregnancy that filled her face with such wondrous joy? Was she already a mom and knew enough to enjoy this pregnancy without worrying all the time? Or had she, like me, gone through Hell just to get to this point? I was much too timid to ask.

The nurse called my name.

For the second time in a week I found myself lying on an examining table. This time the lights were turned down low and the sonographer excused herself for a moment giving me plenty of time to refill with worry and fear. Turning my head to the left, I studied the blank monitor with my name and the date at the top of the screen. I was so afraid that the screen would stay blank and at the same time I wanted to try to see whatever I could no matter what.

The sonographer came back into the room.

Seconds later, the screen lit up with my baby. It's little heart was beating so fast and it already had arm and leg buds. The sonographer looked at me with a smile and said that everything seemed to be in right place doing all the right things. Then she clicked a button and I could hear it's heart beating for the second time while I watched it on the screen. The best part, though, was that I now had it all on tape and I could show my husband that he could begin to believe that our baby was really well on it's way.

I could hardly wait for him to get home that night. I had the video pre-loaded and waiting. When he walked through the door I had him sit on the couch as I turned it on. Again, though, he didn't seem very excited. The first half of the short ultrasound had been filmed without sound and the baby pretty much looked like a peanut with arms and legs. I had to point out what everything was as he nodded. Then, without any warning, the baby's heartbeat pounded loudly from the TV. All at once, Ian's eyes widened and a smile spread across his face.

I heard him exhale.

My dear husband had been holding his breath since I pushed play.