Monday, February 24, 2014

Birth of a Mother (Part 13) Wake Up Call


Part 13

Wake Up Call





Beneath heavy eyelids, the hazy room slowly came into focus. I was so groggy I was seeing double of everything and everyone but my baby. Where was my baby? Where on earth was I?

I saw Mom and Dad first, close together, their shadowy faces etched in worry. Mom? You look like you've been crying. You never cry. Oh God, what's happened? Where is my baby?

It was then that they looked up and saw my eyes opened and I saw the relief flood their faces. I saw Todd, my husband's best friend and the godfather of my new baby and he wasn't his normal joke-cracking self. Finally, I saw Ian.

I managed to croak out a weak, “What happened, Ian?”

“There was a problem but it's been taken care of, “ my husband said.

“I don't understand. What problem? What are you not telling me? Did I have surgery? What did they need to do surgery for? And where is Tommy?” my questions assaulting the quiet of the room.

The pitch of my voice was getting higher with panic. I was imagining the worst possibilities and the fact that no one was very forthcoming with answers was leading me to believe my fears were true. Dear Lord, I thought, please don't let them have done a hysterectomy. Inside, I was screaming for answers but my voice sounded faint.

“Ian, tell me what happened!”

“We'll talk about it later. You need to rest now, little one.”

He was talking to me like I was a child.

“No, you need to tell me now. I can't rest until I know.”

He brushed my hair off my forehead with his fingers and leaned in close to me with a pained look. “No more babies, little one.”

I began to cry.

“They did a hysterectomy?” I asked through my tears.

“No, baby. They didn't do a hysterectomy.”

My mom leaned to explain.

“Honey, the doctor says it's just too dangerous for you to have another baby. Another pregnancy could be fatal. I'm so sorry.”

I still didn't comprehend.

The doctor approached me.

“Tanya, I'd like to give you a shot of estrogen to help stop your bleeding. It will also help your uterus to heal without as much scarring. The only downside is that you won't be able to breastfeed.”

I had been looking forward to nursing my baby since my breasts had begun to swell. I had even dreamt about it. I knew how important nursing was in bonding and we had already been separated for several hours since his birth while I was in surgery.

“Do I have to get the shot?”

“It's entirely up to you.” replied Dr. Smith.

“I don't want it, sir.”

I looked up at Ian and asked if he was okay with that.

He said he was okay as long as I was.

I was thinking to myself that I needed to be as grateful for this baby I had been allowed to give birth to. He was what we had been waiting for all these months. All I wanted was to hold him.

Finally, everyone but Ian filtered out and I was taken to my room. Everyone kept trying to get me to fall asleep but I demanded to see my son.

Ian left to get the baby from the nursery.

The moment that tiny creature was placed in my arms, I was one hundred percent, over the moon, head over heels in love. I felt so guilty that he had spent the first several hours of his life with strangers in a bright nursery. I never wanted to let him go.

It was time to nurse.

Tommy had other ideas.

I went through three nurses and two lactation consultants and he only latched on once. I had two IV's full of strong antibiotics and who knows what else and I was convinced my colostrum must have tasted awful. After his first eager taste, he scrunched up his face and began to scream. (After a week of trying and constant crying-from both of us-we gave up on nursing and I pumped my milk for a month into a bottle which he had no problem taking.)

That first night in the hospital, I barely slept. I kept trying to feed my son but my efforts continually failed and the nursery gave him supplemental nourishment. By the next morning, I couldn't keep my eyes open. I had decided to have the baby room-in with me but Ian insisted that night that I needed to sleep or I wouldn't be any good to the baby. He took the baby to the nursery and the nurse slipped something into my IV.

I woke up, crying, to darkness and Ian's voice replaying in my mind “no more babies, little one. No more babies.”

One of the things that had gotten me through this difficult pregnancy was the thought that maybe next time it wouldn't be so bad.

I had spent so much of the last eight and a half months miserable with vomitting and back aches and heartburn and sciatic nerve pain that I'd been so ready for the baby to hurry up and be born. Now, he was here and I was never going to feel another baby moving inside of me. I would never have the chance to try and enjoy another pregnancy.

I began to sob uncontrollably.

Ian woke up from the tiny uncomfortable chair wedged in the corner of the small room.

“What's the matter cutie?” he asked attentively.

“I should have tried to enjoy this pregnancy more. Why didn't I try to enjoy it more? I'm never going to have another baby. My body is still defective! Our boy will never have a brother or sister. He's going to miss out on so much because of me and this stupid body of mine! I can't even nurse him! What kind of mother am I?” I blubbered.

I knew I was being self centered and that my hormone levels were going crazy and everything, literally, EVERYTHING, made me cry. The thought that my baby wouldn't nurse and I'd never have a chance to try again with another baby somewhere down the road was too much for me at that moment. I felt as though all my choices had been taken away.

Then they brought Tommy in and I held him close as I thought, “You are the only child I need. You are HERE and I will never let you think you aren't enough for me or anyone else.”

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