No title today. No real story. Just feeling sad. It was a year ago today that I got my last phone call from Carri. For some reason, I never heard my cell phone ring so she left me a message on my voicemail. I've dreaded the one year anniversary of her death coming up in a few weeks but today I'm panicking that after a year my cell phone will drop the last recording I have of her beautiful voice.  Am I morbid for wanting to keep it forever?
The depression has hit me hard the last couple of weeks and I have just wanted to run and curl up in a ball somewhere quiet.
I need quiet...because inside my head I hear my own voice screaming "It's just not fair!!! Where are you?! COME BACK!!! I don't want to play this Acceptance game anymore! I'm not like you. I'm no good at letting go. I don't do yoga. I've never found my inner peace. Zen is something I've only read about. I don't know how to do THIS! Please come back...please. It's the only way the pain can stop."
Please, God, send her back or at least turn back time. Just one more minute, one more phone call, please.