Okay, I asked Carri if it was alright to tell this story and she said, "Go for it!' (I'm hoping that when I asked she hadn't just taken an after-chemo Ativan. She didn't call me "Eduardo", though, so I feel pretty safe.) This is the story of Carri's visit to an Open House of A Nudist Colony.....
Several years ago, when her firstborn son was, I'm not sure, less than two years old- my friend told me that she had seen a notice about an Open House at a "Clothing Optional" camp. When she told me, her conservative Southern friend, that she planned to go check it out I was dumbstruck. I had visions in my mind of debauchery, lecherous old men and Swingers Club "Meetings". I'm not proud of my ignorance.
She was a nursing mama at the time so she planned to take her baby with her. She assured me that the Organization carefully screens the people to keep out potential predators so I felt a bit reassured. She sounded so confident, so laid back as if she did this sort of thing everyday. I asked her how her husband felt about it and she told me he was just fine with it. This was just another casual day in the lives of this little family.
I think to myself, as the day approaches, all the ways I can try to stop her. (A pretty tough feat as I live 3000 miles away). I seriously consider cashing in my meager 401(k) to buy a plane ticket out to physically restrain her. So convinced was I that this was a bad idea, I even thought of calling her husband who I barely knew to ask him if he really was just "fine" with the idea. Alas, I did none of those things and it's a good thing I didn't because the story that she told me about her experience kept me giggling to myself for weeks!
This is MY interpretation of how it went based on the things she shared with me and the movie playing in my head as she spoke:
The sun burned brightly in the sky as she packed up the car for the day's adventure.(What, exactly, does one need to have at a nudist resort?) The confidence she once exuded about doing this had taken a mysterious leave-of-absence. A shaky sigh escapes as she thinks to herself "200 rainy days a year in the Pacific Northwest and I pick the one day I WON'T have an excuse to wear a raincoat." She puts the baby in his carseat and off she drives with her "just fine" husband waving proudly at his courageous and forward thinking wife.
They arrive. No neckid folks to be seen right away. Now a new dilemma presents itself. Where to disrobe? In the car? Do they have a special room? (I never did ask this question so, in my story I get to ad-lib. Thank goodness for creative license.) She disrobes in the tiny car.(In my imagination there's lots of grunting and cirque-du-solei contortions resulting in honking the horn, jumping at the sound of the horn causing her to jerk her elbow into the door and pulling her arm back so fast she hits the gear shifter as a crowd begins to assemble outside. Tee hee hee heee! Wouldn't that be a funny skit? No? It was pretty funny in my head. ) Her hand quivers a little on the door handle as she takes a deep breath for courage and pushes it open. She quickly dons the baby carrier so, once in, the baby becomes a shield. (Oh, sure, she'll tell you it was strategically placed so the baby could nurse whenever he wants, but this is my script.)
With her cell phone tucked snugly into the pocket of the baby carrier, the two embark on their woodland hike. Starting up the path the phone suddenly vibrates and she's surprised to hear her husband on the other end. "Just wanted to make sure you two got there safely." He asks no questions. Just a quick "I love you." and the conversation has ended. Onward the mother and son go. She takes in the nature around her. She loves being outside, loves being in the buff and she's thinking to herself that she's proud she's come to satisfy her curiosity. This isn't bad, not bad at all. It's then, that coming down the path, there is another nature lover..an older man. Should she speak as they pass? Wait to see if he speaks to her? Do people talk when hiking in their birthday suits? And what about eye contact? Oh please, let there only be eye contact. She is very conscientious about not letting her gaze drift downward. As they start to pass, the older man has a kindly smile and he makes a comment about the cute little guy she is wearing. This starts a little conversation. (Now my imagination is really kicking into gear. What do two nude people who don't know each other talk about? A sample conversation that played in my brain is below.)
Old Man: Such lovely skin! Whar products do you use? I have a few wrinkles in my birthday suit. Can't
really use an iron.
Carri: Oh, just organic lotions and soaps. You can find them almost anywhere...but I don't recommend
WalMart. I'm opposed to sweat shops.
Old Man: Oh, my. Me too. Speaking of sweat, you smell lovely dear.
Carri: Why, thank you sir. I use a special stone for deodorant.
Old Man: Well, top of the mornin' to ya. I must get going. I'd tip my hat but I'm not wearing one...ha ha ha!
Yikes! Carri's gonna flip her lid when she reads what went through my head all those years ago. She never knew her friend was so ignorant. (Can we just call me naive? It has a nicer connotation.)
The phone vibrates again. Mr. Just Fine wants to know where she put the ingredients for his beer maker. He really feels like making beer today. "Same place as always, honey." she says. "Oh, yeah. Yup. There it is. Whaddya know? Can't believe I didn't see it. You gonna be much longer? " (I am totally making up the conversation. I have no idea what he was calling her for or how many times he called but in my head, Mr. Just Fine About My Wife Being Naked in Front of Someone Other Than Me is really Mr. Old Fashioned I'd Really Like My Wife Naked At Home. I should mention that I really like her husband. He is a great guy with really, really great hair.)
After completing her hike and gathering information about the place she gets in the car, dresses and heads home. (In my movie, I have her forgetting to get dressed again because she's so comfortable and then gets pulled over by a cop for some mediocre traffic violation.)
She calls me on her way home to tell me all about it and I was just so relieved to hear her voice, that she wasn't abducted by some naked hippies or broke a limb trying to swing naked from a tree. I realize that I am just as proud of her for doing something I don't think I could've done as she is for herself. (To be fair, when I visited her out there a couple years ago, I did get naked in a sauna. It was only in front of other women but that's a huge step for me.) And when I gave birth last year to a baby who came out of me wearing only her birthday suit, it was only appropriate and fitting that I name her Carri. May she be as brave, stubborn and loved as the Original!
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